


One Marriage, One Adoption, Three Idiots - A Bakatrio Story

by manaika



Series: Fabulous Family Chronicles [1]
Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bakatrio dynamics, Chizuru is a saint, Forgive me for I have sinned, Gen, Hijikata can't deal, Ibuki is a cheek, Itou is a sleaze, M/M, Sano wants to run a home for wayward teens except he doesn't he has already three jobs, Shinpa and Sano got married and adopted Heisuke, Shinpachi is a math genius who works in a tax office, cameo of Hijikata, cameo of Itou, gay marriage with adoption, idek, they are all still idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:45:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9913901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manaika/pseuds/manaika
Summary: Same-sex marriage with an adoption, Bakatrio style, with Ryuunosuke and Chizuru tagging along for the ride.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Recently, for the purpose of my – hopefully serious this time – big rewrite project of doom (there's a reason why I haven't posted my older fics on AO3 yet), I rewatched the OVA 4 of Hakuouki Sekkaroku. This is what came out of it. It's supposed to be bakatrio dynamics with a twist? IDEK. I have no excuse. I just love the dynamics between these three idiots in that OVA, so reminiscent of an old married couple who are trying to raise a teenaged kid. And although this is a gay marriage thing it's really mostly gen, because the point was to keep the dynamics as they are, not change them or give them a cheesy angle (as I usually do lol). 
> 
> That is probably why I focus more on a dynamic, conversational style of writing in this one, instead of my usual static, descriptive and internalizing, and use present tense instead of past (yay). Make it dynamic, easy, fast paced and immediate (basically, everything I was actively avoiding to write, until now. Never a time like the present, I suppose?) 
> 
> I guess, for the most part, I'm just trying to prove a point no one really wants me to prove: That Shinpa and Sano got secretly married sometime in 1864 and adopted Heisuke, may the historical record argue with me. Also, while it's set in modern days, it's not the usual SSL AU. I have more ideas for this universe, but whether I'll get to write them is a whole different story altogether. Thesis, rewrite projects, dwrp… all that. Maybe occasionally. As a treat to myself, and to you guys of course. If you'll like it, that is.

**One Marriage, One Adoption, Three Idiots**

**A Bakatrio Story**

“AAAAH MOUUUU I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY LONGER!!!”

The desperate cry echoes through the street, and several people turn around to see who is screaming from the top of the stairs to the public library, like they are undergoing the greatest torture known to mankind.

Heisuke, meanwhile, just clutches his head, scratching through the messed up rat's nest that he calls his hair, making it even more of a disaster.

“Hijikata-san is such a slave driver! Boatloads of homework on top of cruel training, how are we supposed to have the energy to win the prefecturals?!”

“See, this is exactly why I didn't join the kendo club.”

Ryuunosuke, Heisuke's asshole of a best friend, says that like the last of his concern is Heisuke's headache, which the boy has from spending the entire morning in the library. Which, on hindsight, it probably is. Ryuunosuke makes a point of proving to everyone he doesn't give a single scrap of a damn about anything. 

“Yeah, and you still got an E on Hijikata-san's last assignment!”

Heisuke retaliates and watches with satisfaction as Ryuu flinches, blushes, and turns away. Good!

“Shut up! Literature is not my thing! It's just a bunch of dead guys who wrote books no one cares about!”

Neither of them notice how the third member and only girl of their group, Chizuru, keeps hiding her chuckles behind her hand, or how she waves at a car claiming the parking lot just below the stairs where they're standing, before turning to them.

“Maa, maa, Heisuke-kun, Ryuunosuke-kun. I'm sure Hijikata-san just wants you to do your best. Maybe we should...”

“What's the point?! Literature is the last thing I intend to study!” Ryuunosuke exclaims, sticking his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, if you even make it to a college!”

“What was that?!”

“That's right, you're just too dumb.” Heisuke continues to goad his best friend, laughter clear in his voice. “I bet you'll have to stay behind a year.”

“Like you are any better! Your spelling is atrocious, you can't count to save your life, all you're good at are video games!”

“Uhm, guys…?”

“Besides, who ever said I wanted to go?! We're still first years, it's too early to decide!”

“Guys...”

“Oh yeah?!”

“Yeah!”

“That's it, bring it, you scrawny ass!”

“Who do you call scrawny?!”

But before either of them can take their bickering into the next level, the sharp sound of a car horn blares through the air, alerting them of the presence of their ride. And, as if they haven't been ready to tear each other's throats out a second ago, Heisuke and Ryuunosuke hurry down side by side towards where the 1988 red Saab 900 turbo convertible is parked, shouting at the occupants.

“Finally!”

“You're late! I bet it's Shinpat-suan's fault.”

“Actually...” Shinpachi starts with a grin, but it's Sano who finishes the sentence, smirking.

“We've been here for the last five minutes, right Chizuru?”

Chizuru, who has followed them down, giggles at Sano's conspiring wink and nods.

“Yes!”

“WHAT?” Heisuke exclaims as they all pile into the 4-seater-converted-5-seater, which Sano has had customized when it became apparent that they'd be hauling around two more kids. “Why didn't you say anything?! You could have hooted the horn 5 MINUTES AGO and we could have been ON OUR WAY BY NOW, instead of running late and in danger of being MAIMED! I swear, you guys do this on purpose!”

“It's not our fault you were too occupied with your argument to notice a bright red car parking right in front of you.” There's laughter in Shinpachi's voice, and Heisuke grumbles as he finally settles into the tight seat, squished between Chizuru and the side of the car.

“That's right.” Sano agrees, keeping his voice neutral, but the small crook of a smile betrays his amusement. “We were just on time. It was your concern to be on a lookout for us. A man does not blame others for his oversights.”

Heisuke grumbles but doesn't reply, having learned a long time ago that there is no sense in arguing whatever Sano-san starts with “a man does not”. Shinpat-suan, however, is as usually too slow to catch up on his – temporal – forfeit.

“Besides, I could never make us late, right Sano? My timing is impeccable and perfectly calculated to the last second. I'm the math genius, remember?”

“You work in a tax office.” Heisuke's tone is dry as ash, but it doesn't seem to phase Shinpachi.

“As I said, math genius.”

“Can we please just go?” Ryuunosuke's voice sounds strained, like he has spent the last half an hour in the wringer, widening Sano's small smile into a full grin.

“As soon as you kids fasten your seat belts.”

Ryuunosuke and Chizuru pull up their fastened seat belts, to prove that they've been ready and set about ages ago, but Heisuke just groans.

“Aw man, Sano-san, it's tight in here enough already! Can you drop it for ONCE, you're making us late!”

Sano doesn't dignify that with an answer, instead just holds up his arm up to visibly gaze at his wristwatch. A heartbeat later there's more grumbling and shuffling from the backseat, followed by the click of the last seat belt.

“There, I'm _safe_ , can we _please_...”

But Heisuke's sentence is cut short when the Saab rockets from the spot with a screech of tires, engine roaring to life with the force of a race car. 

 

* * *

 

“I'm glad you could make it.”

They arrive at the dojo with a total of 5 minutes to spare, Heisuke half-falling, half-stumbling out of the car, dashing towards the changing rooms while simultaneously trying not to throw up. Meanwhile, the others head towards the main hall where the competition is held. Hijikata-san greets their arrival with practiced casualness, stoic features not betraying whatever disapproval he might feel at their terrible time management. 

“Wouldn't miss it for the world.” Shinpachi says cheerfully as they all settle in the spectator row, like they just didn't almost crash into the building in their hurry. Chizuru and Ryuunosuke, for the most part, look just relieved to be alive.

Meanwhile, Hijikata's only comment to the entire situation is. “Heisuke's in one piece?” 

“Signed, sealed and delivered. He's changing now.” Sano confirms, glancing at the kendo club's adviser with a crooked smile. “You know, if you haven't given them a 5000 words assignment, we could have been here earlier.”

Hijikata-san sends him a sharp look but before he has the chance to say anything, Shinpachi, already immersed in the tournament, asks.

“And? How's it going?”

Hijikata-san's attention drawn, the man replies.

“If Heisuke wins, we're past the prelims. Saitou had straight wins and Souji is about to bring his own home.”

“Yosha! Next stop regionals!” Shinpachi exclaims with an excited grin that's hiding maybe a hint of pride, while Sano flashes his teeth in a similar manner.

“Really, I better buy that highway sticker.”

Neither of them pay attention to Hijikata-san's exasperated sigh.

“You two...”

 

* * *

 

“There goes our hothead!”

“He came, he saw, he scored!”

“If he could only control his temper, he could have had a straight win!”

“Can you two just drop it, it's embarrassing!”

Both Shinpachi and Sano laugh as Heisuke swats their hands away from where they have been patting his back and rubbing his head, proud over his victory, while Ryuunosuke and Chizuru – the traitors! – just watch from a safe distance, chuckling in amusement.

“Besides, I lost that round because my stomach is still doing flip flops! Not my fault that Sano-san drives like a crazy person!”

“Haaah? What was that Heisuke? Are you making _me_ responsible for _your_ loss?!” Sano asks, kneading and cracking his knuckles, and Heisuke decides maybe it's time for a quick retreat to the changing room, before Sano-san starts another round of his “a man can't have excuses” rant accompanied by a fist against Heisuke's head. He had enough of those for this week. 

“We'll wait in the car!”

Sano calls after him as the both of them watch his retreating back, their twin grins still in place as Shinpachi remarks.

“Heisuke's been really lively lately, hasn't he?” He asks no one in particular, but Chizuru replies anyway, smiling about the antics of her childhood friend.

“Yes. He's been working really hard for the tournament. He doesn't want to let anyone down.”

“That so?” The question is purely rhetorical, without a single trace of doubt about the truth of Chizuru's words. 

“If he only worked half as hard during lessons, he'd get into a lot less trouble.” Ryuunosuke adds and everyone agrees with a laugh, except for Sano who turns to the boy with a wicked smirk, arms perched on his hips.

“Look who's talking! Aren't your marks worse than Heisuke's?”

Ryuunosuke visibly flinches, suddenly looking anywhere but at Sano.

“I… guess we all should start heading to the car?” 

And without waiting for an answer, Ryuunosuke decides to take a page out of Heisuke's book, and does a quick retreat towards the car, leaving the rest of them behind laughing.

It's not long 'till they are all stuffed in the Saab, Ryuunosuke and Chizuru discussing some of their homework not noticing as Shinpachi's and Sano's attention is, at one moment, instantly drawn to the corner where Heisuke appears with his teacher Ito-sensei in tow. Neither of them notices the sudden tension in the air either, the way Sano grips the wheel tighter or how Shinpachi crosses the arms over his chest. 

“Look who's here.” Sano scowls, watching the man with a narrow-eyed stare.

“I see him.” Shinpachi answers, his gaze not leaving Ito-sensei either, frowning as the teacher laughs that fake laugh of his, pretending to be amused at something that Heisuke is saying. “Playing the supportive homeroom teacher. Seriously, can't leave the guy out of sight for a single minute.”

“I heard from some of the lads during training that he has gotten three more foster kids after the last one got adopted, leaving only Saitou in his care.”

“Mr. Holier-than-thou is trying to help the 'poor, unfortunate souls' again?”

Sano shrugs, torn between approval of taking homeless children in, and the bad feeling he got whenever he saw Heisuke's homeroom teacher. “It beats them growing up on the street.”

“I still don't like it. There's something sleazy about him.”

“Yeah, like he's trying too hard.”

They watch for a couple more moments as Heisuke's trying to break away from his teacher, when suddenly Shinpachi smiles, apparently deciding to focus rather on positive things, than the mildly suspicious ones.

“Well, I'm just glad we got Heisuke from him!”

And Sano has to smile as well, because there is no arguing _that_.

“True.”

That's when Heisuke finally jogs up to the car, jumping inside and settling into his usual seat between Chizuru and the side of the Saab. 

“All set, let's go!”

“Seat belt,” Sano reminds him and, a short staring match through the rear-view mirror and more grumbling from Heisuke later, they make their way home. 

 

* * *

 

'Home' being the cozy, relatively spacious apartment in busy downtown Kyoto.

They arrive with the usual thunder and lightning in the stairway that naturally accompanies three energetic and hungry teenagers, and that usually makes the adults pray for the understanding and patience of their neighbors. 

“Man, I'm starving! Tell me there is food!”

“Ryuunosuke! If anyone should be saying that, it's me! I've just competed in the kendo prefecturals, while all you did was sit and whine in the library.”

“I did not whine and it's been hours since I last ate. I'm allowed to be hungry! You're not the only growing teenager in this household.”

“Actually,” a third voice interrupts their quarrel, a broad, confident grin on Shinpachi's face, leaving no room for arguments. “The one who needs the most food is obviously me, to maintain all these gorgeous muscles! You kids still have a long way to go!”

“You don't need more muscles than you already have, Shinpat-suan! The only remaining room is in your brain!”

“What was that?!”

“That's right. We need to grow – you are only expanding.”

Shinpachi's cry of indignance at Ryuunosuke's words drowns in Sano's laughter that tears from the redhead's throat at the insinuation of his partner gaining _weight_. 

“You know, he's not wrong, considering your average sugar consumption...”

“Et tu, Sano?”

Shinpachi asks with the most betrayed expression that a man is capable of, as he pulls out the pots and jars with their dinner out of the fridge. Meanwhile everyone has managed to drop their respective bags, and settle down around the dining table in the kitchen, all hungry and expectant. 

“Don't give me that look. Your dentist and diabetologist said it first.”

Shinpachi's face turns sour – or more like a pout, really – at the words, and he turns his focus to heating up the previously prepared food, grumbling loudly.

“They are obviously envious! I dare you to look at these beauties and call me fat! Besides, neither of those quacks has any idea what a good meal looks like.”

“I'm more worried about what Nagakura-san considers a good meal.” Ryuunosuke quips, and before anyone can chide him, Heisuke joins in, never missing an opportunity to jab at his Shinpat-suan.

“Yeah and imagine he cooked this time.”

“I tremble at the thought.”

“YOU CAN GO FIND YOUR OWN FOOD IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!”

“Maa, maa, I'm sure it's not going to be bad.” Chizuru, bless her pure heart, tries to negotiate between the kindergarteners (a group to which Shinpachi, undoubtedly, belongs to as well), before turning to the loud man and offering a smile. “It smells amazing.”

Shinpachi gives the only mature member of their circle a smile that's both grateful and strained, as he pokes at the meat.

“I don't know about that. Sano shopped.”

That's when the redhead's attention turns back from sake to the conversation, frowning at his partner in crime and life, just as the man turns the stove off.

“Hey! It's not my fault that everything looks the same!”

Shinpachi turns to give Sano a look a teacher normally gives a student that asked the same question for the third time as he lays the food on the table, and the three hungry teens descend on it like a flock of starving vultures.

“Look, it's really very simple. It's dead – you don't buy it.”

“That fish was still happily swimming when I bought it.”

“With it's belly up or down?”

The boys burst out laughing, and Chizuru looks torn between trying to settle the quarrel and joining in on the fun, while Sano just crosses his arms over his chest, frown deepening, looking like a man prepared for battle.

“You are free to shop alone if you don't like the groceries I bring home.”

“I work eight hours a day. Your schedule is more flexible.”

“I have three jobs.”

“You have free mornings.”

“You have free weekends.”

“Oh my god, can you two stop flirting, I'm trying to EAT!”

Everyone looks at Heisuke, surprised by the sudden exclamation, but before either of the (supposed) adults can speak, Ryuunosuke gives his best friend a confused look.

“Flirting is not what I would call that...”

But Heisuke stays firm in his beliefs.

“Nope, trust me. They're flirting. The geezers think of bickering as flirting, and arguing as foreplay.”

No one is surprised when that earns Heisuke a noogie by Sano, his knuckles grinding against the top of Heisuke's head, hard.

“Heisuke… Are you saying you're old enough to know what foreplay is?”

“OW, Sano-san, stop it, that HURTS!”

“Feel free to report me to child protective services.”

“That's right, Heisuke!” Shinpachi says from where his arms are in a death clutch around the boy. “You can check out any time you want, but you could never leave us, admit it!”

Chizuru and Ryuunosuke eye the scene for a while, both with different expressions on their face, before the bluehead finally turns to his best girl friend, shrugging noncommittally.

“I guess, let's just eat?”

 

* * *

 

“We should adopt Chizuru and Ryuunosuke.”

It's after every hungry soul in their household has been fed, the crazy event called dinner has ended, the kids are back in their room finishing leftover homework, and the two adults are doing the dishes, that Sano brings up the issue that's probably had everyone around them puzzled ever since Chizuru basically moved in with them: How on earth did they end up being stuck raising three kids, two of which aren't even theirs?

Shinpachi, for his part, only looks up from where he's wiping one of the plates, raising an eyebrow at Sano, making his partner elaborate.

“I mean, it's not like Chizuru doesn't sleep over here five nights a week. She even has her own bed. And cooks for us, most of the time.”

“I see your point, but you're the one who's asking Serizawa-san and Koudou-san.”

“It's not like Serizawa-san is a model step father. And Ryuunosuke could finally have his own bed, share a room with Heisuke.”

“Sano, I didn't say don't go for it. I'm just sayin', you're the one who's consulting Serizawa-san and Koudou-san.”

“You mean when Serizawa-san is sober enough to consult, and Koudou-san magically reappears from where he's disappeared to?”

“He's on a Doctors Without Borders mission, you know that.”

“He hasn't written in over a year.”

“He's in Africa.”

“Yes, and he hasn't written _over a year_.”

This is usually when they reach a mute point, Sano scowling in disapproval, and Shinpachi doing his best not to smile in amusement over his partner. 

“Alternatively,” the brunette says, as he wipes the last of the plates and puts it away. “We could just open that 'Home for Wayward Youths' that you always wanted, and have as many kids to care for as you want.”

Sano's scowl deepens as he turns the water off and dries his hands, not sure he wants to dignify that jab with an answer, but Shinpachi – the asshole that he is – continues to goad him.

“You know, you could raise an entire athletic team. Or maybe two. Heisuke could give kendo lessons, once he gets the mastery, have a job secured if he decides to not go to college. Ryuunosuke could get himself a clientele for his art, you'd get a playground to live out your mothering instincts... It's not a bad idea, I have to give you that.”

Sano is absolutely ready to retaliate with a juicy comment on Shinpachi's sanity and deny ever having something even close to a “mothering instinct”, but Heisuke – from across the apartment and a different room, duly noted – beats him to it.

“You know we can hear you, right?!”

And as if they weren't about to start another round of their traditional, daily bickering, Shinpachi and Sano exchange a single look before storming Heisuke's room, united against a common front consisting of cheeky teenagers.

“If you're paying such a close attention to our discussions, it means you're done with homework!”

And without waiting for an answer, Sano grabs the notebook currently open in front of Heisuke, in spite of the boy's protest, inspecting it before handing it to Shinpachi with the words,

“Math, that's your expertise,” and taking another one from the pile. “Classical literature… Heike Monogatari, your favorite.” He hands that one to Shinpachi as well, before proceeding to take the third one. “Japanese history, let's see about this.” 

It's the one that he opens, starting to read it when Heisuke mumbles with a deadpan expression on his face.

“It's not like you have any room to talk, you dropped out of high school.”

Unfortunately, Shinpachi hears him and it's enough to cause the man avert his focus from correcting the atrocious math, and give the teen a stern look.

“Heisuke!”

But Sano only raises his eyes to look at Heisuke with a conceding smile, his reply very simple.

“Yeah, I did. Which is why I know how important it is.” And with that said, he turns his attention back to the assignment, ignoring how Heisuke averts his gaze to the table obviously feeling bad about his words, while Sano recites. “ _The Goryou Eiji and the Shinsengumi. An essay by Toudou Heisuke. … Even in the events that the Shinsengumi had, somehow, managed to prevent the split and consequential forming of the Goryou Eiji, they would not have been able to prevent their inevitable demise, representing a system that has outlived itself on top of being a group worshiping outlived ideals._ Kazama-sensei is going to love this.”

“He ought to. He hates the Shinsengumi.” Heisuke mumbles, but doesn't look up from where he's still staring at the table, somehow seemingly unable to look at Sano. If, however, Sano notices this, he doesn't comment on it, focusing on the matter of Heisuke's homework instead.

“Well, what about you? What do you think?”

“I don't really think anything. It's just a stupid essay.”

“Stupid or not, it doesn't warrant you just copying something out of a text book. A man needs to have an opinion on the matters he talks about, and I'd like to hear yours.” 

Before Heisuke can respond with another cheeky comment, Shinpachi quips in, having finished skimping over the math homework.

“You know, we might want to send Heisuke to some intense tutoring. Over half of these equations are faulty.” He says with a grin, holding up the notebook for everyone to see, before handing it back to Heisuke who looks like he bit into an exceptionally sour lemon. “I marked the ones with the mistakes. Happy correcting!” He ruffles the boy's hair, making Heisuke pout only more. “Maybe this time you'll pay attention to what you're doing, instead of listening in on our conversation.”

“It would be a lot easier if you'd bother to lower your voice, Shinpat-suan!”

They ignore him. 

“That's right! A man does not allow himself to be distracted by anything.” Sano agrees and slides the sheet of Japanese history back on Heisuke's table. “Rewrite that and give it to me after you've made up your mind on the matter.”

They both turn to leave the room, Shinpachi holding up the classical literature sheet.

“I'll read this as a bedtime story.”

“No video games until you're finished.”

“And don't stay up too long.”

The door falls shut, leaving the three teens alone, listening to the chuckles and laughter from the other side. Heisuke slumps against the table with a groan.

“And I was almost finished too...”

Chizuru chuckles about his antics but Ryuu looks away, uncharacteristically quiet in an almost contemplative way.

“You don't know what you've got. Serizawa-san is never this attentive unless the dishes aren't made, and he can't find any sake.”

Heisuke flinches as if he'd been hit.

“Ah… uhm. Sorry.”

“It's fine. I'm used to it.”

It doesn't seem to make Heisuke feel any better, so he tries to explain.

“It's not that I don't appreciate what they do for me. I just wish they'd lay off my back sometimes.”

It's Chizuru who replies, her smile just the tiniest bit sad.

“They care about you Heisuke-kun. If they left you alone, it wouldn't be this much fun.”

There's an undertone there, one that he probably should care about but, frankly, Heisuke is sick of being told off, so he let's out a frustrated sound and grabs his math homework again.

“I get it, I get it, I'll _behave_ , can we please go and finish this stupid homework now, I have a level to clear. Geez, when have you two become such bores anyway...”

Chizuru and Ryuunosuke don't say a single word to answer that, merely smiling to themselves. For a while a comfortable silence settles between the three friends, filled only by the sound of pencil scribbling against paper as they work on their respective assignments, until Ryuunosuke breaks it, concluding the entire circus of a day with the perfect amount of practiced pragmatism.

“I'd still take the bed, though.”

Heisuke throws the notebook at his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Plot. What is plot?
> 
> Sometimes I really feel I should give up on my attempts at easy comedy and conversational style, and just stick to the serious stuff. v_v 
> 
> I feel like after the last scene you people might comment on the POV. I'm trying to make it as subtle and hazy as possible, because delving too deep into one mind ends up with me usually switching to the static descriptive writing, and I wanted to avoid it as much as possible (might not have succeeded towards the end), but it's supposed to be either of the kids. For the greatest part of the fic, I think Heisuke is most prominent. It also made sense to me to open and close with Heisuke-Ryuu-Chizuru shenanigans, with all the establishing / relationship dynamics / etc. scenes in between. I'm not sure if I succeeded at what I was trying to do here, but… At least I think I managed to establish at least one thing in each scene, so this is not all just senseless blabbering. That… counts as something… right? IDEK. I… I'll just leave this here and pretend not to be complete trash… Maybe… 
> 
> Ah, on one last side note. No, Shinpachi is not diabetic. He had a scare a few years back, but he's being monitored, and so far his sugar levels are within the norm. Mostly thanks to Sano. His teeth are honestly a bigger problem, but that's for another story. Maybe. (I know, I keep using that word.)
> 
> This has been… well, not exactly betaed, but more like edited by the wonderful Rizu. Thank you for reading through this and patiently dealing with my needy questions. I owe you ~~more than one tag~~.


End file.
